Corat-coret Maal Hijrah
Agak lama x berblogging....why??? Too much things in my head. Work which never ending, family affairs & other things too.... So since too much things in mind, i really don't know which one should i blogged. But today, alhamdullillah, Maal Hijrah... syukur kepada Allah kerana diberikan umur yg panjang utk meneruskan perjuangan dlm kehidupan, memperbaiki setiap mm dlm diri to be better person, masa untuk bertaubat kepada Allah Taala di atas dosa2 yg lalu. Alhamdullillah.
Ok wat happen ye, past few weeks... oh yeah, 2 wks ago, had dinner at my sister's place at Putrajaya.... hem, spt biasa lah bila berkumpul ramai2 tu, ada aje citer2 hangat.. & x kurang jg ada rasa yg kurang senang.. itulah kehidupan & terpulanglah kepada kita untuk menilai perlakuan, kata2 setiap insan disekeliling kita. Jika kita biarkan hati untuk terluka maka luka lah kita.... jika dibiarkan ianya berlalu tanpa terlalu memikirkannya, akan selamatlah kita dari terus berperasangka, berteka-teki, marah, sedih, kecil-hati, jauh hati & macam2 penyakit hati yg memudaratkan. So terpulang lah macamana kita nak menghadapinya... to me... i did think about it for awhile, allow myself to feel hurt for awhile, of cos berteka-teki cuba mencari tang mana silapnya... wat have i done? That's the question i allowed myself to think... but since i couldn't find the answer (actually i can just give excuses for the actions, but of cos when i do dat, i will only see bad things about the person), so i decided, let it be... i've done my part, do my best the way i know how. I can't control wat ppl feel about me, i can't make ppl to like me if they already decided to hate me... SO LET IT BE.......
Remember, my earlier posting, about marriage, about having someone in my life.... okey, it's not going to happen... i have done my istikharah, few times actually, first 2 times, it seems +ve, but after few more & considering all aspect, i don't think so... i can be a wife a again, or being married again... but being a mother again, dats i find it difficult, since i don't really like children so much... but wait, wait, i love my doter very much. Being a mother not easy, especially when it's not your own. But i do want to think about it more.... but then, he is pushing me, come-on it was just two weeks, i can't decide within 2 weeks. I have being single for 23 years... one big decision like dis i need more time.. but then since he pushed, i have no choice... maybe, maybe if he give me more time, the result would be different. Anyway i have no regrets with my decision... i have asked guidance from Allah, i believe at this moment this is wat He wants me to do. Maybe, i am better-off by myself, He knows best.
This morning had breakfast with my doter & SIL also my sister & her family.