2ND CLASS CITIZEN

"2nd class citizen"... how & what cause i uttered those words. I was angry i remembered, getting so excited about something.... Ok i guess this is how it begin....

 

Four of us, were sitting at the dining table, at a fren's house, discussing about marriage topic particularly about being a 2nd wife.... wat things should & shouldn't be done by the future 2nd wife & wat is the husband to be should do, to try to make it work, to be responsible, ensuring both parties 1st & 2nd live in harmony... we also discussed wat to expect in the marriage, sometimes we think we have prepared ourselves for everything, but then things happen differently... it doesn't matter if you are the only wife, 2nd or 3rd or so on... marriage are all the same... the degree maybe different but then, it is wat marriage all about... risk, challenge, patience, give and take... and lots lots more....

Going back to the topic... suddenly one of my fren was saying, wat if the man said to his girlfren who he wanted to marry, "i love my wife very much, she is everything to me, i can't live without her, my life would be haywire without her & bla bla bla....." . What the hack, wat is he doing with her than, i mean the girlfren..., wat he said "this is my rite..." My rite ass la.....

From wat i heard, this is my conclusion, indirectly he is telling her, she cannot demand anything from him if she marry him, especially his time with the 1st one.... he will only fulfill her need AS & WHEN only. He is also telling her(eventhough those words from him) but his is twisting it, as she was the one who totally crazy over him, who desperately wanted to marry him.... my advise to the lady, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T DOWNGRADE URSELF, NOW HE CAN SAY ALL THOSE THINGS, ONCE U BECOME HIS WIFE, HE CAN DO WATEVER HE LIKE, HE ALREADY WARNED U WITH ALL THOSE WORDS...PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T BE A 2ND CLASS CITIZEN... 1ST, 2ND OR 3RD WIFE... WE DESERVE THE SAME TREATMENT... DON'T ALLOW URSELF TO BE A 2ND CHOICE... 2ND OR 3RD, HE SHOULD MAKE YOU FEEL U R DESERVE TO BE TREATED EQUALLY AS HIS 1ST WIFE, HIS 1ST CHOICE. IF HE CAN'T DO IT... DO ANGKAT KAKI, BLAH!!!!!!!!!!

We women can accept being 2nd wife and most of us know where we stand... those guys who said all those things or indicating almost the same meaning to you ladies out there, ask them to go FLY KITE la... wat are you doing here with me... of cos we know, you love you wife, we understand the word FATE very well or DESTINY... Saying that it's your rite, what's about our rite as a woman, a wife...

I guess, the last nite conversation somehow make me realised how i was treated last time... it is sad to realize it now... looking back wow... don't want to be there, wish was never there... but that was the lesson i learned... maybe by experiencing it, now i can advise frens or anyone who is going thru the similar situation, insyaAllah.

So today, a bit sad, wanted to cry once & for all, but there is just no more tears.... 

  Abu Hurayrah relate that the prophet (pbuh) said, "the best of you is whoever treats his wife kindly." (Narrated by Ahmad & Tarmidhi)

"Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity." (An-Nisa' : 19)

"I advise you to take care of the women, for they are created from a rib and the most crooked protion of the rib is its Upper part; if you try to straighten it, it will breakd, and if you leave it, it will remain crooked, so i urge you to take care of women." (Narrated by Al-Bukhari)

Another version reads,

The woman is like a rib; if you try to straighten her, she will break. So if you want to get benefit from her, do so while she still has some crookedness.

[Reported by Al-Bukhari]